It was expected that I would be really happy. Tomorrow will be my wedding, and, it will probably be the worst day of my life. I hate these flowers, suit, guests, cake, and doves. They make me truly sick, and I have to hide it. Being brought up as a sensible man full of emotions and empathy, I could understand anyone – a woman living next to us, a friend, an old aunt, a mother, and my numerous sisters. I had a talent for empathy and listening. I used to be a perfect man full of compassion, a so called “good boy”, well-behaved and smart.
I was brought up to be sensitive and nice. My mother was the main person in my life who used to be my teacher and sensei. She thought that I should have been different from my father – and I tried. One day I realized that it was impossible.
Now, I was walking across the street to get my evening portion of fresh air. I needed it to feel something special, I needed it to feel alive. The evening was perfect. A sky was crean and transparent, I could see all the stars and moon. It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life tomorrow, and I could not deal with it.
I was brought up with the idea that love and respect should be manifested towards women. I was grown up to demonstrate my admiration to mother and people whom she admired. I sincerely adored them, I served everyone she demanded with great love until one day. It was a day of my wedding, and I realized that it was the last day of a life that has never began.
To understand it, you have to know my family better. My father left when I was about two years old, naturally, I did not know him well. All I knew was that he used to be a monster, a real monster with fangs and clutches. Men like him were capable of eating little children and tearing them to pieces. The idea that males used to be similar to evil was so common that I was almost sorry for my gender being a child. I was growing, and a sacred hatred towards all men was growing along with adoration towards my mother and her authority.
Tomorrow is my wedding, and I am walking this night to find out what I am going to do about this. My mother informed me about this wedding several weeks ago, and I was not ready for this information. I didn’t even know my future wife, and I did not want to know her. My mother decided that there was a best time for me to have a wedding. She was a wise woman, and she knew that an adult man like me needed a family, but this time she was wrong. She was terribly wrong, and I could not even tell her about this because I did not have enough courage. I hated my mother, hated my future wife, but I could not say anything against it. I was too weak against the power of duty that I felt in this situation.
I was walking across a dark and narrow street when I heard something awkward and challenging. There was a girl not far from me, and she was screaming. Her voice was immediately followed with a rude mail voices, and I realized there was a kind of robbery or any other street violence I did not expect to meet. The girl stopped screaming and starred begging quietly. The whole my inner essence told me to leave this narrow dark street and look for the safest path home. I was standing in a darkness, listening to a noise, and thinking about the ways to act.
There was the first attack by a gang of dangerous robbers that I have even witnessed. They could have been psychopathes, armed, and cruel. There were several men with rather clear intentions, they needed money and selected some weak female to rob or do something worse to her. She was screaming. I was standing in a shadow and felt helpless as usual.
I have always been protected from any risk. I was not able to fight, carry a weapon, and protect myself even from my own family. My mother was against any violence, and I had no other choice except being obedient. The fact that I left my house to have a walk in the middle of the night was the greatest rebel in my life, but protecting an unknown girl was something that I could not even imagine. At the same time, I was standing there and listening to the voices in the darkness, I could not even move.
Finally, I made a decision and moved towards them.
Hey there, what is going on?
My voice was not trembling at all. I saw a girl with bright light hair and big eyes standing next to two big men. When they heard my voice, one of them threw something on the ground, and both of them ran away promptly. I was standing and looking at a girl, and she was still trembling with her eyes shut. The robbers left, probably, they used to be scared of my voice or thought I could call the police. I approached the girl and hugged her a new and rather strange sense – I felt alive for the first time. They could have returned any moment, but I did not care a lot about it. The girl pushed me in a chest and escaped, I was staying their alone and totally lost because of everything that has happened.
It was really the best day of my life. It was a day of my wedding, and I made a decision to cancel it. It was the second most important decision I have made in ever.